Tuesday, May 7, 2013

How to watch movies

So, the title should have been something like How "I" watch movies, but.. whatever.

I don't watch a lot of movies, so the onus is on watching only the good ones, and in the best manner possible :-)

Where to watch movies?

I try not to go to a cinema/theater/multiplex etc., because I am lazy, and because I am a miser. But when friends and family put too much pressure, I have to oblige, with lawyer-like conditions. An example: No more movies for this year. On an average, I go to the movies twice a year, once with family and once with some friends.

There are two options then. Either download via torrents or watch movies part by part on youtube. Torrents are kind of illegal in most parts of the world, including India. The thing about youtube is that movies normally have too many parts, and the bad video quality. But movies are things involving emotions and comedy, and the occasional thrills and action. What the hell has video quality to do with that?

Also, number 1 rule of doing something illegal: don't blog about it. If you got the idea, good.

Going with the only-good-ones logic, any movies that I go to have to be really, really good. Mostly great reviews or recommendations are required. The last one I watched was Jolly LLB, with my brother and a cousin, only because of the very different idea.

A problem with this approach is that I miss movies that are not purely commercial, but why the hell should I care? People are free to recommend good documentaries too. But my friends mostly fail me on this.

One more problem comes around when a movie is highly recommended by many people, and it fails to live up to my expectations.

Why I can't enjoy most movies?

First of all, remember what a movie is: just a simple story. A video game is a movie too, but it lets you play a character. So, making movies and video games, and of course writing books is a kind of story telling. Yes, I know, sweeping generalizations and all.

Almost all movies come in a simple plot style. There's a backstory, a plot-changing event and then the reaction to that. For example, in Kung Fu Panda, the backstory is the dream that Po has about fighting with the 5 masters against a wolf (and alligator?) army. The plot-changing event was when Master Oogway selected Po as the dragon master. And the rest of the movie followed in reaction to that. Maybe this is the reason why movies that don't follow any chronological order of events seem fun to me sometimes (don't remember the word for that)

The thing about this approach of story telling is that in addition to being boring, it can take some time before the plot-changing event occurs. And people get bored in that time. People leave the theater, switch channels etc., you get the idea.

Some movies are very different in this regard, in that they do the plot so well that people just can't leave. Like the Dark Knight.

Another thing is that sometimes you don't really need the backstory. For example, not many people get bored watching sports movies. Reason: if someone is watching a sports movie, they are pretty interested in it to be let off by initial boredom. It will take some really twisted and intentionally bad sports movie to make people dislike it. Or I am too much of a sports movie fan. :-)

The premise here is this: if a movie can fit in a backstory and the plot-changing event within the first 20 minutes, there is a high probability people are gonna like it.

Is there a law against writing content matching the headings?

If you are wondering about the part titled Why I can't enjoy most movies, you are probably right. Thing is, I always keep on looking for inconsistencies in the plot, the characters, the props, the smallest of things basically. This makes me enjoy it less.

Another thing is the tendency to predict the next scene, the next action, the next dialogue etc. Especially if I am made to watch someone else's favorite movie or series.

Two great KK-esque movie viewing anti-patterns

So, some movies are _dumb_as_shit_. And surely you can't spend two hours or even more on such stuff. I am sharing two remedies here, since there are two 'k's in KK :-)

First, in case of movies that are too boring to watch, but too interesting to leave, what works best is watching for 15-20 minutes (or until you establish the previously written precondition), and then reading the plot summary on wikipedia or imdb. This is what happened when I tried to watch Green Street Hooligans 2. When there was no football for more than an hour, and no going to matches or anything like the previous part, I was left with no option but to look at my great friend wikipedia. Sometimes uncyclopedia helps too.

Another case when this approach works really well is when you need to watch really emotional movies. I have never been able to watch Mother India beyond the scene when the hero (Raj Kumar) tries picking up his mother's load, but realizes he is an amputee.

The second approach is to watch a movie for 5 minutes, then skip 20 minutes, then again for 5 minutes, rinse and repeat. Then trying to predict what happened is fun. Works really well with movies like Dabang and Yamla Pagla Deewana.

Please feel free to recommend any movies etc.

34 comments:

  1. nice post... should have recommended some movies as well!! ;-)
    thought of just skimming through it as described in the second last paragraph but I got consumed in it and read it line by line ...... \m/ ....

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    1. Skimming through text is just like the 5-20-5-20 thing. I should have thought of that. :-)

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  2. You've provided an entirely unique and completely different perspective on how to watch movies. I think perhaps they could use some of your ideas in Hollywood.....??

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    1. Thanks Jon. Even if you were being sarcastic, this comment coming from someone like you who spent a large part of their life at Hollywood means a lot.

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  3. Nice post.. :) I agree on the part that I do check imdb before I watch a movie :P. I go to theaters more than twice year all thanks to English movies, Hindi.. well I don't know I don't want to see public view on it but its just my past experience says first check the reviews of a hindi movie & then go.. lol :D

    You should go to theaters more, the sound effects are as important I think :)

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    1. Not really sure about going to theaters, because lazyness + being a MMM fan is more intense than cool sound effects and 3D. At least for me.

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  4. I used to go to the movie theater all the time, but it's so expensive these days and I have other things (like rent, sorority dues, and food...) that I have to pay for first. Red Box and Netflix are really great things.

    I did see two in December that were really good (my date paid for them, so no money lost for me :D). I saw The Hobbit and Django Unchained.

    The only problem I had with The Hobbit is that the graphics were almost too clear. It was to the point where I kind of had a headache. The film itself was very good though.

    Django Unchained is all kinds of gory awesomeness. I'm a big fan of Quentin Tarantino though, so I expected it to be an unusual and all around great film.

    Sorry for the long comment! I'm a bit of a movie lover :)

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    1. A few of my friends too advised me to go and watch Django Unchained, but as I (maybe) mentioned, I am too much of a stubborn person to just do what I am told.

      No sorry, thanks for the 'long' comment.

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  5. Yeah I only go once in a while too, as they are just getting more crappy as time goes on, all basically the equivalent of an amusement par ride, thrill is all in the trailer.

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    1. In addition to the thrill being in the trailer, I must add that I have some attention span problems (lol), so I normally end up watching a few scenes twice. Especially the ones where there is no dialogue and you have to rely on emotions or context. In a movie theater, it means asking others what just happened, it just makes people mad.

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  6. Finally i read a full blog :P.
    Anyways its a nice blog but as Seththewhizkid said you should go to the theaters not only for sound effect but also for large screen and caramel popcorn ;) etc. This days also for 3D.

    After reading it i finally realize it that we are from different planet :p.

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    1. We indeed are from different planets, and I think that is the fun of it. Getting to think of something from someone else's perspective is great.

      Thanks for all recommendations you have been providing till now. You've been a great source for more than half the movies I have lately watched. And I liked almost all of them :--)

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  7. bahut vadia janaab.... I liked the post... It made me analyze how i watch movies.

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    1. Thanks Gaurav. Maybe you would like to post about that :-)

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  8. In this country we have matinees that are not really supported by the public.... I adore going to the cinema in the early afternoon with only 2 or 3 others in the audience..... Bliss............you can really concentrate on the movie...

    I also go of local art house cinema in the evenings..... The cinema only holds 100 people and is never full........... Therefore it's wonderfully silent.....

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    1. I think it goes really well with your night shift job.

      About the not really supported matinees, I think it has to do with very less population in Wales, or UK as a whole. No matter how good movies you make, you can't get a big enough audience. And without a big audience, who wants to make good movies? Typical chicken-and-egg problem.

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  9. What the hell has video quality to do with that?.... That's what I like about watching movies. Hahaha. I dont really care abt the quality. ;)

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    1. You are a man of simple tastes, Sukhi. Its what I like about you. That, and the overall cheerful personality.

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  10. I'm 'difficult' when it comes to movies. I don't like cinemas, I hate violent films, and I like a good story. Of course there are modern films around that fill my criteria, but most of my favourite films tend to be OLD.

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    1. Unless they are comedies or really good stories pre-verified or recommended in great measure by their colleagues or neighbors or friends, it is almost impossible to make my parents watch any new movies. And good luck trying to show them anything that is not in Hindi or Punjabi :-)

      It has to be an age and time thing. When my younger cousins or neighbors show me 'new' cartoons, I kind of hate them. And I am only 23.

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  11. Hello! Very nice blog and interesting posts, great atmosphere.
      Have a nice day. :)
    Welcome to our blog about photography. +
    I hope you also enjoy it with us.

    Greetings!

    "Do what you love is not even that, but anyway"

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    1. Hello. Saw your blog, but too bad Hindi, Punjabi and a bit of English is all I can understand. Polish is something I will need a few years to learn, and I can't really spare the time. Google Translate kind of screw it up, so looks like I won't be able to follow you. Thanks for coming anyways.

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  12. I really watch movies for pure entertainment. I try to just give in and let the movie take me away...from real life. I like the feel of being transported and don't really take any of them seriously.

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    1. That is too good. Plato (or Socrates) said that entertainment should be something different from the usual stuff that we have in our lives, and you are living up to it :-)

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  13. don't think too much, just watch the stupid movies and make fun of them....best entertainment ever. but yeah, you'll enjoy any movie better if you watch it in a multiplex and not on TV, especially action movies and sci-fi.

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    1. It is like saying that I will like reading better if I get to read the best editions of books rather than the eastern economy editions etc., something that I just can't understand.

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  14. I am a huge movie buff. I love going to the cinema in the middle of the week during the afternoon when nobody is there and just allowing myself to escape for two hours. It's nice. I love movies because it's a way to allow ourselves to be taken away into another world :-)

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    1. Your movie watching habits resemble those of Jon Gray. Most people take the taking-away part of movies too seriously, that is why I kind of dislike it.

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  15. I tend to enjoy obscure movies, or stories with deep story lines that others find "boring". If I leave thinking about the story, the film will rank high on my list. Unlike you, I prefer the theater to watching at home as I will get distracted by other things I should be doing. The theater allows me to have a singular focus, and as someone who suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder it's important for me to remove distractions. My favorite way to watch at home is when I've had a long day and I can just sit down with some take out and there is nothing left for me to do. Thanks for the interesting post. Jennifer a.k.a Urban Gypsy Girl

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    1. My after-movie experiences are about the same, except that I want to be thinking about the movie I just saw in 'good' terms. I think ADD is a great thing. It shows that you think a lot :-)

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  16. If I could I would live in a cinema hall or build one just for me. I loved Paan Singh Tomar, Chillar Party, Stanley Ka Dabba, Shakti, TDK, Django Unchained, Million Dollar Baby, True Romance and Maachis. I can go on and on about movies. I love movies.

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    1. That is quite a versatile list of movies you've got. And it came as a surprise to me.

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  17. I'm almost on the opposite spectrum I can say. I like to watch movies to the extent that you can call me a movie-person than a book-person. And if someone had to ask me, what kind of movies I watch, I would reply, 'You don't have any idea' :P
    Also, I go to theaters pretty frequently. Anywhere between 2-6 movies per month. I download them. I watch them on TV. But never on youtube. The buffering really gets on my nerves.

    And recommending movies is not such a good thing. I think the kind of movies we watch or don't watch says a thing or two about us. Its like trying to judge a person's character with little or no knowledge about them. What is good for me need not be good for you and vice versa. :-)

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    1. For the most part, I don't really care what kinds of movies a person likes. It is just an insight into one aspect of their personality. Just like what kind of food someone likes.

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