Whats worth what

As a soon gonnabe 23 year old who wants to further their career, there are a few things I would love to remind myself all the time. Here they are:

1. There is no hard work, only small goals. The more I am experiencing life, the more this resonates with me. The only way to keep at something is to divide it into smaller things and do them one at a time. Like with making small points in this blog post and writing them one at a time.
2. If you are working too hard, something is wrong. Maybe you are only looking at the big picture, forgetting the nitty gritty details. Or maybe you are working too much or too hard on a small goal. For example, in a test worth 100 marks, no matter how much or how good you try attempting a 5-marks question, the most you will get is 5 marks. And most probably you are missing out on time and mental capacity for the other 95 marks.
3. If you are not enjoying what you are doing, try taking a break. In computer programming, there is the more-psychological-than-real problem called just 5 more minutes. Can't find the error/bug, no matter, I'll just have it by the next 5 minutes. And you are still banging your head after 2 hours! Not because you are an idiot, but because you have spent not one but many 5-minute cycles. Try taking a walk, chatting to a friend, reading something (preferably not on the web, lol) or anything else that is different from what you are doing, but is not addictive enough to make you forget what you were doing.
4. If you are still not enjoying what you are doing, is it worth doing? Worth a bit of introspection. Many times, it is our subconscious telling us about something else that we should be doing. The mind thinks in infinite terms, while there is only so much that a person can do. Mostly not enjoying what one is doing comes with that particular thing not being in sync with the big picture. 
5. If you don't have a big picture, you have bigger problems. Because you are letting yourself be tossed around by your job, other people or just life. Slacking or not doing anything (except when on a break) is an example of being tossed around by your own laziness.
6. The world does not care, and that is a good thing. Some people think positively, the world wants me to succeed. Others, not so much, the world wants me to fail. In truth, the world just does not care. What matters is what you think and do together. Only thinking/doing as individual acts are not good enough.
7. Always remember what AI is at the most basic level. (1) Doing something systematic, and (2) making progress towards your aim, in no matter how small amounts, will get you somewhere. Just keep at it.
8. Make sure there is only wheat, no chaff. Do I really need to remember the lyrics for every song I have heard till now? Only if I am going to play antakshari. Other than that, it is just bullshit taking space (as in a hard drive) in my mind. Do I need to remember what that girl told me about politics in her office? Should I be thinking about how hard it is to be an international level athlete, when I have to read about the stock market and invest? (From what I've heard, stock market people need to make really thought out and well informed decisions or risk losses)
9. Don't underestimate the value of human contact, and don't overestimate it. Talking to a friend about some issue you are facing, even though they do not know even a bit about it, always helps. Talking to strangers about themselves helps even more (personal experience). But making sure that the talking/meeting/chatting/mailing etc. does not take you off your focus is also important. Maybe talking to a college crush in time of disappoint is not the best thing.
10. Know your triggers, both ways. For example, if you are a good cook and promise me something, I will do anything for you. But, if I have some good, tasty food lying around and need to do something just now... let us say it is not gonna happen.
11. Try to keep your dependencies to a minimum. If it needs loud verbal encouragement from your coach to just stay in the fight, maybe you don't like amateur wrestling as much as you think. If you need to ask permission before doing the smallest of things, maybe this company is not worth it. If you need to look out for your roommate agreement before everything, maybe you should rent a room for yourself.
12. Fake it till you make it. Amy Cuddy Zindabad! And not only in terms of power poses. Thinking that you can do something before trying can make the difference between actually being able to do it and failing. Faith can move mountains.

The fatak wala sardar

Sometimes I feel too stressed to even think. No matter what, the eternal optimist in me too fades away sometimes, and with it goes my ability to think 'don't worry, things'll be fine soon.' Why I feel this way, or not feel any other way is not the matter of this post.

I went to Khanna with my family to visit an aunt today, and had a strange experience. When I say strange, I do not mean strange as in weird or life-changing or anything, but strange in the way it made me think about what I've been thinking. That takes me to what I've been thinking lately, and it turns out that I've been worrying way too much, almost beyond the limit of worrying without any cause, if there is one. There are a lot of things can make me mad, but playing into the thought patterns that these things put you into is a bit too idiotic for me. Or seems now in retrospect when I am writing this post.

As we reached my Aunt's home, I came to know that a railway line passes from near their home, and that a lot many trains pass from there everyday. The lot many part is whats responsible for this post. That, and the fact that I am very much a train freak. I just love traveling by, talking about, looking at, and (sometimes) simply thinking about trains. So I just had to go to the rail lines and see one or two of them pass by. And that too just about 300-350 yards. As I am about to go there, my uncle (Masser-ji, in Punjabi) tells me that he too will accompany me, and then my brother and my aunt's younger son too join us.

As we move towards the lines, uncle-ji tells us about a railway crossing nearby. So I persuade everyone we move towards the crossing to.... I don't know, just because I wanted to.

Reaching there, I ask/talk about the kinds of trains that pass from there, the number of trains passing from there in a day etc. we wait for about 15-20 minutes when a train comes and goes, and in about five more minutes, masser-ji tells us, another will pass. I get more excited, with the first four words in this line seeming utterly idiotic to me now.

Like all things in this post, without any reason I propose we all go to the crossing manning guy, whatever he's called, fatak-wala banda to me at least. The others stood outside talking, while I go into the small room containing his stuff, a roster for the trains' timings, all sorts of equipment (which he later told me was almost never used), and a clock that didn't seemed to work since the time we have railway crossings in this world! The man, a sardar turned out to be a very warm and cordial person.

As I talk to him about trains, the way he gets to know when to pull the levers, the way railway signals work etc., a train comes and goes, and (this had to happen at some time) the others get bored and tell me they are going home. I ask the guy about the next train, and he tells me that Delhi-Amritsar Shatabdi and Shane-e-Punjab will pass from there in some time. As a result, I tell the others to go home, and that I'll come after having a look at the two trains.

As the others leave, I began talking more and more with the guy, and turns out he used to live in Mohali once, though that was very far off in time and all (ain't Mohali a new city?).... Anyways, he tells me that Shatabdi should've passed his crossing by then, and that it was running a bit too late. Now, with the traffic passing through the crossing at that time, it meant that at any moment of time, a phone call would arrive and he would have to close the fatak, change the signals with the levers etc. Making sure that all the traffic passed in time, or at least waited when he would close (or lower) the fatak would be very important.


In just a few minutes, a call arrives, and after mumbling a few words, and scribbling a few numbers on his notebook, he tells me he's going to close the fatak. But due to the traffic, he could not do it for about 5 minutes, and those 5 minutes were very difficult for him. He had to practically yell at the people riding the cars, trucks, bikes, the cyclists, the rickshaw-wallas, the pedestrians walking slowly and some more. Even I tried going in the middle of the road and trying to tell the people to wait or pass quickly, but.. lesson learnt: I can't ever be a traffic policeman!

Another phone call, and the same mumbling/scribbling routine, and the guy tells me another train is coming. So, with an even more sense of urgency, he goes out and starts yelling at the people, who this time budge, and allow him to close the fatak. In just about a few seconds, we hear the horn of a train engine, and in a minute the Shatabdi comes and goes, just like an aandhi. In about 2-3 minutes, another train (Shere-e-Punjab) too passes and then he releases the fatak, and then the traffic goes on in its frantic manner. Things are normal. I bid him farewell and start walking towards away to my aunt's home.

As I walked, I thought of the amount of stress the fatak-wala man had to go through in a day, with almost a hundeed trains passing through the crossing during his 12-hour shift. My stresses and worries are nothing as compared to the responsibility that he, as a meager class-IV government employee had to handle. Honestly, I think I am unable to express the amount of frustration he went through in about 5 minutes, and the amounts of it he goes through all the time.

As I said, sometimes I feel too stressed to even think. This has to be one of those times. What amazes me is that all the timemost of the time, it takes somebody else's plight to notice that we are in a far better place than them. I am not stressed at my situation, I am feeling like an idiot for being stressed about my situation, when the world has obviously more important things to worry about.

No more stressing from now on!

Throughout our lives, we are taught to handle stress. We are made to live with it. Seems like stress is as much of a part of our lives as the air we breathe. We use it as a tool, to get ourselves to work on something, to get others to work on something, and hell, even to just feel like we are making progress.

I do not know about others, but stress is was my constant companion since the age of 9-10, when I first prepared for the test for Sainik School. Then the four years I spent there, came back, had board exams, prepared (unsuccessfully) for IIT, got into college, messed the initial semesters and played catch-up for the rest of the degree and in the end, to top it all up, got my first job.

The amount of time I end up spending at the office (or outside of home, considering an hour's drive to the office) makes used to make me go mad. The worst thing is was no time to think! Add to it the fact that I had some other thoughts/plans which I could not cater to, I am was plainly unsatisfied. And being a naive fatass at work doesn't didn't help, either.

Then to about three weeks from today. About 8:30 pm. I am driving to home. And I have this amazing what-the-hell moment.

I thought, I am 21 right now. I've spent like somewhere between one-third to one-fourth of my life until now, and considering the fact that I will never get my adolescence/teenage/whatever back, I can either keep on worrying over everything or I can start enjoying life. Thankfully, I chose the second. Surprisingly, some people do not worry at all. Never. One such person, Vics, told me that I was way too late to realise this.
Since then, I've been thinking a lot on the issue of avoidable stress. Seems like we humans use our ability to think too much. When we are stuck while trying to get something done, we try simulating the end results in our minds, except that the things we simulate/imagine are nowhere near to what actually will/would happen. We realise this a bit too late for our own good, and by the time we do so, it is generally too late to give up on the simulation/imagination that has already been brewing in our think-able brains. And this clash of thoughts, of two completely different outcomes is the cause of stress.

"Stress is good. Tension is your friend! It gets things done!" This is what people everywhere in the world think, and preach to each other. Well, so many people saying the same thing can't all be wrong, but there is one basic difference between using stress and using some dream, ambition or some tangible reason as your motivator. The difference is:

With ambition, we play to win. With stress, we play to not lose.

Not actually playing, but I think its enough to get the idea. The playing to not lose part comes to even more prominence when there are reputations or track records to salvage.

What others think of me is not my problem. Not that it should be. Especially since I started this blog, and even more so since the great realisation! Some days tend to be more strenuous than others, but I am learning to handle it, thanks in no small part to some of my friends at the office.

MEMO TO MYSELF: Read this post whenever under too much stress. The world can suck its own dick.